Dear Editor,
It was a Tuesday morning. Picturesque skies. Indian summer cool in New York City. The crowds now streaming in and out of subways and buses. The skies above giving no sign of what was just minutes away. A fairytale beginning that swiftly turned into a hellish nightmare. I was there, so I can share. September 11, 2001, the first morning, the beginning.[1]
The first jumbo jet came out of nowhere, caught everyone flatfooted. Frozen into place. What was that sound? Why is there smoke curling lazily out of that tower, staining the clean sky? Some were already dead in those first few mystery minutes, with uncertainty reigning. Yet the first creeping then racing, fears were still some seconds away. Men and women in smart business suits craning necks, aiming eyes upwards, to get an understanding of what struck, what this was all about. America under attack and the new age of terror weren’t part of the thinking. Not just yet. It soon came to a brutal, shattering, ending. A second plane swooping at full throttle straight into the fortress that was the World Trade Center, a symbol of American economic power and might. Down it went in a slow-motion crumble of steel and showers of cinderblocks and that thick enveloping smoke. I was there. Fortunate to be here today. Upstairs has some downstairs plans for me.
Gosh, it is 25 years. It doesn’t feel like yesterday. It’s right now. America’s cocoon of security shattered and scattered from the Trade Center to the Pentagon to a Pennsylvania field. Friends and colleagues soon dead. Never accounted for in one piece. Never to be seen again. Guyanese dead. Victims from many places. The vivid memory of firefighters running up the inside stairwells of a building that collapsed on them. Dozens more dead. It took a long time to put the pieces together, to make sense of the puzzle that wasn’t a real puzzle. What started out as a puzzle then isn’t one now. From Saudi Arabia to Venezuela, with Guyana swept into that orbit, presents a blinding picture. It is how heroes and villains and martyrs are made. Strong stuff.
I made some mistakes along the way. Learning and admitting do not come easy. But they come, eventually. I find myself thinking of almost 3,000 dead within a few hours of one day, and that must qualify as a record. At least, a grim American one. Civilians taken for target practice. Those earmarked for death, without knowing it. It is the random nature of the draw. Who goes, who stays. Only the good die young. It’s not tiring for me, because I knew some of them. Shared a glass or two, attended weddings, and had a dance, then a few more. There were good, and those good times.
Went back once. The smell of death was everywhere. The eeriest aspect being that there was no blood, no bone, no bodies. Just that smell that sinks into clothes, then pores. Never paid too much attention to the conspiracy theories. How can there be place for those, when battling reality was the biggest priority? People reduced to shells of their former selves. Men and women looking suspiciously at neighbours. Particularly those that sounded and looked different. Being a travelling man, airports were a trial by fire. Checkpoint. Check shoes. Check pockets. X-rayed and scrutinized so much that there should be a nice pile of radioactivity inside. Eight hundred flights have that effect.
So today when there is reminiscence, the intrusions of loud men, the swaggering of those who try to project strength, bring a shaking of the head. Seen and heard this kind before. And what did they represent, but flapping of the gums, and suits empty of substance. Yet pretending at Superman. Twenty-five years have come and left. It seems that I am still standing in the same spot, and nothing has changed. Something did. It hasn’t been for the better. Most definitely, palpably uglier.